A state of flow is trusting instinct and releasing hesitation such that new outcomes arrive seamlessly. Unhindered allowance lets us do the things we ought to be doing in life instead of what others think we should be doing.
The village is teaching me so much about life and culture. As I write this while sitting in one of the school’s outdoor classrooms, I hear the chanting of a woman in the distance as she recites Hindu prayers. Last week marked a super moon and lunar eclipse on the calendar, and the Hindu people had a celebration in light of it. People around the world predict great change to follow. I’ve had these moments in my past where I just feel that change has happened and that no matter how hard I try, I will still move with it. They are subtle but powerful moments.
A few months ago back in June I remember waking up on a Wednesday and knowing that things were about to get better. It was an ordinary day. I had to go to work at the bank. I had no travel plans for the future. And yet, I knew that something had shifted and my life was about to change. It’s been hard for me to explain this feeling in text or in person, but more and more I understand this feeling of flow. There’s so much out there that is greater than us, and sometimes we have to move with it. On that Wednesday I felt the power of change sweeping me away, and here I am months later in Bali feeling completely elated.
Have I told you that I’m having the time of my life here in Bali? Maybe I’ve been modest in my updates; maybe I’ve been worried about seeming too happy here for some reason (as though that’s something I’d ever need or want to control).
I am having the time of my life. I surfed for the first time last weekend on one of the most beautiful beaches I’ve seen. I dove a shipwreck from WW2. I’ve had incredible conversations with fascinating people from around the world. I’ve felt chills down my spine at holy temples and foggy bodies of water. And it’s only been one month. No matter what the future holds, the answer has never been so strikingly vivid- my choice to come on this journey was absolutely correct. The future is out of my control; the present moment is what matters most.
It took a certain amount of surrender to find myself here. I didn’t get to plan everything the way I wanted. I still don’t know where money will come from in a few months since my money is draining every day. And yet, I can smile as I write this since those worries don’t matter today. I may fight every single day with the voice in my head that tells me to worry. But I recognize that voice as the one that balances me. I could let go and indulge in every sort of hedonistic pleasure, or I could retreat to the safest place on Earth to prevent as much suffering as possible. But the balance that I harvest is what keeps me going.
Everything in moderation,
The crisis hotline was full of so many voices that felt that feeling of flow but chose to stifle it for one reason or another. Some couldn’t fix themselves for a million reasons. I am privileged. I know that not everyone can make their situations better. But those of us who can make our situations better and choose not to will end up failing those without a chance. Do not squander your youth. Do not ignore the opportunity around you. Those calls that I took on the phone line still stay with me, even in paradise. I will not forget some of the talks I had. I won’t be blind to injustice and pain in the world. But I will also never forget that today I have a chance to make things right for myself. And I will not let that chance go to waste.
I’ve seen a few caterpillars since being in Bali, and the other day I saw a cocoon on the ground, trampled and crushed. Will you ever find your way out of the cocoon? The only way to know is to keep going. I don’t know what the answer is for my future, and I don’t what the answers are for you. But it remains clear that the answers exist all around us. Sometimes we just need to take a leap of faith to find them.
Will you fail to emerge?